on this day, last week, was the first time i ever met Hedley. well, Jake. and Tom. (i had already met Dave & Chris.)
"im dying to live" that day again. fuck.

and i was watching my videos from the Brossard show. oh man. it kills me. it makes me so fucking sad. i would do anything to stay at a Hedley concert forever. imagine an endless Hedley concert? holy shit. it would just go on and on and on and on. now that is paradise.

this sucks. i have to wake up every morning knowing that i wont see them today. i wouldnt say that im going thru some sort of depression but, i havent really been in a good mood lately. i found myself not having an appetite thinking about how much i miss them. it literally hurts. my heart feels heavy. i hate this. at least im not the only one who feels this way. (so i've read in other people's blogs.)
kjhsdefjhgsfgsdhgsdfhjgsdhjgsdghhjgf

oh and about the whole Jake being an asshole thing, still upsets me. my heart sinks everytime i think about it. although, someone made a comment that made me feel a little better.

"we alwaysz see Jakes happy and smiling.
i guess we just never pictured him the way you described it.
but itsz also understanding
someone cant be happy 24/7 after all hesz human.. just like the rest of us.
Hesz alwaysz touring, sleeping until late at night, waking up early, probably some interviews, or soundchecks...and then right back to another show..
itsz a pretty crazy way to live..."

that is so fucking true. i guess i shouldnt take it so personal. after all, he doesnt even know me. but still. it hurts to think about it. and i cant watch the video. it breaks my heart all over again. it really makes me cry, alot, everytime i watch it. so i try to stay from it.

i would just much rather see Jake in a good mood.
smiling, laughing, and just being Jake.

peace.

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