i'm having a bad day again. there is only one thing to do for those. eat some chocolate and post another whiny blog.

so halloween is coming up. which should be a fun holiday. but it's shaping up to be a stressful one. my friends are so careless. i am now being forced to go to fright nights at playland, and go to the halloween dance, and go trick-or-treating. honestly, the only one i want to do is fright nights. i don't like school dances. they're too long and they don't play any good music. i don't really want to go trick-or-treating either. but no. i HAAAAVE to, so i've been told. i don't even have time. i have too much homework. this is really a kid's holiday, and we're on the verge of becoming adults. we can't handle this. it's sad that we don't have time to have fun anymore. but that's the way it is.

i'm tired of having by life dictated by other people. i already mentioned my friends. i can't do things my way, only their way. my opinion doesn't count. it's like they think they can control me. sometimes i wonder how we're still friends. if i split with them, i have no one else to go to. i'm too shy to make new friends. they're the only people i can talk to.

another case: my parents. i went on and on about them in another blog. go read that if you want the full story, i'm not going to repeat myself here.

what i really want is someone to love me. someone who will accept me the way i am. someone who doesn't try to push me around. i fail when it comes to romance. i'm very picky. i don't fall for just anyone. i'm beginning to think that i have an ideal of perfection in my head that doesn't actually exist. i'll therefore be searching for this special someone for the rest of my life and end up dying alone. that wouldn't surprise me. i've felt alone for a long time. why should i expect that to change?

i made up a song a few nights ago. it doesn't have words yet. i tried, but i didn't like they way they turned out. i fail at writing lyrics. it's something i want to do but just can't. anyways, i was in love with the tune, until i noticed that it sounded a bit like dying to live again, and a bit like old school, and a bit like you and me by lifehouse. which was when i realized that it was completely unoriginal. pretty much every song i try to write ends up sounding like another song i already know. maybe that's just the way i am. i can't think up my own ideas, i just follow others.

life...sometimes so crazy, sometimes so painful. i guess we just have to deal.

i will be amazed if someone actually read all that. wow.

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